I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
