Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
