just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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