Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm passing your future prison.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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