apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
