She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
