Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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