woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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