i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize