Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize