just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
