You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
