it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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