and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize