He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
