just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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