lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
