I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
