I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
