Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
