I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
