There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
