we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
