Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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