My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
