I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
