I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
