OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
