its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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