These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
