well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
