Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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