i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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