I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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