I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
