So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
