remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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