it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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