she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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