8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
