I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
