Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
