I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
