To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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