he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
