No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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