Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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