People in love make me want to vomit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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