If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
