Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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