By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
