Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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