Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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