You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
