Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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