I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
