So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
