Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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