He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
