If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
