Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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