"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize